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I’m celebrating you today! May 11, 2008

Posted by Arun Rajagopal in Conversations.
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We are choosing hope over fear., originally uploaded by sharaff.

To say that I miss you would be a terrible understatement. But the truth is that, even though I know that you are not here, I still feel you are there for me in a very different way. I’m sure that sitting on your star, you exactly know what I mean. I know we do not have a special day to celebrate you in our culture. But now I think my entire life is a celebration of you, what you are, what you stood for and what you have done for me.

The other day, I was looking at your photo and for the first time I realized that our noses were kind of similar. But since then, I have felt so great thinking about how I have imbibed and learnt a lot many things from you – about how I’m you and that you are in me. In fact, I’m so deeply honored, humbled and blessed since I know that almost everything I’m is either a mirror replica of you or has been influenced by you. So, you are living through me.

I still cannot believe that you have gone – I think you are around, watching over me, as I write this post and in all certainty, you will be reading this post when I publish it. A lifetime wouldn’t be enough to thank you for all you have been to me, but now I do know that everything was for the better me.

I know that we didn’t always have the best of great times – but now both of us have greater hope, peace and happiness – and that is such a comforting thought. These days, especially when I travel a lot, I remember how you used to encourage me to travel even when I was a kid. I began seeing the world at a very young age because you saw to it that every year I went as far as I could because that would widen my horizons. I think I fell in love with trains when you took me to a railway station for the first time. I still remember the sparkle in your eyes when we talked in 1994 about how the Internet would change lives by bringing people closer and enabling conversations (today, we are living that life through social media). You were excited because I had my fingers on it then. We had so much fun working on my school projects – you were particular that I was creative and well-read. (I know that despite all your ‘nudges’, math and I were a strict “no-no”.)

You pushed me to be industrious and enterprising, and to be modest and humble. You wanted me to be there for others, as you have been there for so many people in your lifetime. Most importantly, with your own life, you have taught me never to take many important things in life for granted. If I’m a better person, for all we have gone through in life, I entirely owe it to you. I know I have made you proud in many small, little ways, and that gives me a teeny-weeny bit of happiness, even when I know I could have done so much more for you.

Today, I don’t miss having my family around me – you make up for them by always being at my side. Plus, I have many dear friends who are family to me – that I think is a blessing from you and God. In fact, I never got to thank the so many special people who stood by me at that very painful time. But, now I thank them for being there for me and helping me handle my grief. I’m not alone, I guess.

A request for my friends and blog readers: I ask you today to reach out to your mother and let her know that she is loved and means the world to you. Not just because it’s Mother Day, but every day is good to celebrate your loved ones. If she is not there, a thought or prayer would do. But believe you me; you would be much, much better off with it.

I love you Amma & I wish all mommas around the world “A beautiful and truly special day”. 🙂

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